It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Never underestimate the power of titties
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