you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
