I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
