So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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