I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
