You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I smell like Dick and happiness
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