Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize