and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
