Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
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My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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