He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
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How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
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If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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