Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
