he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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