Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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