Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
