i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
