That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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