Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
