I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
