I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
