When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
