I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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