Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
