Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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