Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
