Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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