And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
