I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
