i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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