Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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