This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
