For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
And my parents said I crawled through the house
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
