I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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