and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
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My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
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Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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