i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
