Fuck appropriateness.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
