I'm so fucking centered right now
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
accomplished twins. life is a go
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
