In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wannas sexs uuuuu
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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