Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm having to shit out rocks
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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