if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
