You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
