I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
