Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
