I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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