My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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