the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
