I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
