God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
