she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
