So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
