Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
