My friends, they love my intelligence
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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