I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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