Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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