The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
