I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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