How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
