I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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