The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
