so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
